Dang, Oh!
by Aeria Swordlancer
Summary: Uchiha Obito had no idea that a plate of innocent looking dango could have the power to incite a bunch of x-rated thoughts. He has the Copy Ninja to blame for his predicament. Oneshot.


**(A/N): Just some random kakaobi goodness I came up with on tumblr. This oneshot takes place in that 'what-if' AU where Obito's Hokage.**

**Disclaimer: Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto**

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**Dang, Oh!**

**by Aeria Swordlancer**

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Uchiha Obito knows he's done for the moment desserts stream in through the doors of the great dining hall.

It's a balmy summer evening in the Land of Rocks, Iwagakure, and the Kage Summit's nearing its end on a surprisingly positive note. Thirty minutes into the lunch break, and the final segment of the impressive banquet finally makes its grand appearance into the packed hall.

"Special Dango from our country," Akatsuchi explains to the Kages assembled, drawing an arc in the air to indicate the incoming plates of confectionery. "I've heard Konoha has an affinity for this sweet dish, am I right, Hokage-sama?"

The mention of his village breaks Obito out of his trance. "Wha- oh..yeah," he says sheepishly, scratching his head in a rather silly fashion. "We are rather possessive about our…Dango," he adds with a forced laugh.

Akatsuchi chuckles as he beckons the waiters forward with a giant arm. "Luckily, we have a different approach to the recipe. Try it out, Hokage-sama, you might end up commissioning an Iwa special Dango joint in your village."

_No thanks, I've had enough of those, _Obito mumbles immediately to himself, shifting uncomfortably on his seat. A thin stream of sweat trickles down his neck as he avoids looking at the plate of dessert coming his way.

Sarutobi Asuma, Hokage's accompanying bodyguard and good friend from academy days, notices the subtle (maybe, not-so-subtle) shift in his leader's behaviour and clears his throat loudly. Maito Gai, as is true to his nature, remains completely oblivious to his superior's brewing predicament.

"Is something the matter? Obito?" Asuma whispers into the Hokage's ears, eyes set on the surroundings for any sign of outward triggers. His hands tighten around the chakra knives hidden inside his official robes.

Obito waves a hand in dismissal by way of response. After all, he's pretty sure he lost his ability to speak the moment those damned waiters with Dango-laden plates waltzed into the dining hall.

Asuma lingers for a moment or two, eyes darting all over the place in deep suspicion, before shrugging and easing back into his seat.

Perhaps, the Hokage's a little uncomfortable attending such an important meeting without the reassuring presence of his best friend-cum-rival, Hatake Kakashi? It was no secret that Konoha's legendary Copy Ninja was the Hokage's first choice when it came to matters of self-defence, tact or simple companionship. After all, they have been teammates since the dawn of civilisation; and if Konoha's infamous rumour mill is to be believed, they have had more than just simple friendship brewing between them for quite some time now.

Asuma chuckles to himself on that note and accepts some of the sweet dish from the tray being passed around.

"My my, that looks delicious, don't you think, _Kazekage_?" Mizukage, Mei Terumi, says, letting out a breathy whisper in lieu of the final few syllables as she inches towards the young Gaara by her side. The latter simply nods to show his approval, not a word moving past his sealed lips.

Raikage, on the other hand, complains about the lack of appropriate sweet content in the sweet dish, much to the chagrin of old Oonoki who's sulking as usual and is clearly affronted by A's lack of diplomatic skills at a political dinner.

Basically, there's nothing out of place in this Summit of great importance held once a year.

That is, if you discount off the constantly perspiring form of one Uchiha Obito, sandwiched awkwardly between his hefty Konoha bodyguards.

_Damn you Hatake. You be thrice-damned, _he thinks to himself as he promptly ignores the plate of Dango shoved enthusiastically under his nose by Maito Guy, his insides two seconds away from throwing out his recently acquired dinner. Not only that, the very mention of the cursed dish itself around the table makes tiny knots erupt somewhere in his nether region, making him gulp and run a shaking finger through his wet brows.

It's definitely unfortunate that a dish once so cherished by the Hokage has suddenly, and most curiously, become the bane of his existence.

The reason, you may ask?

Well, Uchiha Obito can give you a _damn_ _fine _reason.

For as he squirms and avoids looking at the plate being passed around the circular table, a vivid memory plays before his eyes like a film in slow-motion, its agonising pace, the very cause of his severe discomfort. It's a story from nearly a month ago, but it's so deeply embedded in his heart and senses that Obito finds it difficult to brush the memory under the carpet as he sits in the midst of a gathering of immense political significance.

He feels a coil tighten within as he recollects a particular incident from the local Dango shop back home…

_**A month ago**_

"_Your order, Hokage Sama," a pretty waitress in a cream coloured kimino bows as she places a plate of traditional Dango and green tea in front of a thoroughly famished Obito._

"_Thanks!" Obito waves two fingers at her in response as he begins to dig into his hard-earned treat. It'd been a day full of a series of C-class mission assignments and attestation of countless official documents. If not for his secretary's vow to bring together the loose ends of his day's agenda, Obito would have been holed up at the Hokage Tower till well past midnight._

"_Definitely a date," Hatake Kakashi comments lazily from his position on the other side of the low-lying table, his eyes set firmly on his best friend._

"'_Scuse me?" Obito mumbles through a stuffed mouth, sticky sauce sliding down the corner of his lips._

"_This," Kakashi responds, his lone eye assessing the length and breadth of the secluded section in the restaurant that they had booked for themselves. "You and I over Dango? You could have been a little more straightforward when you asked me out, you know? I wouldn't have declined."_

_Obito rolls his eyes at that. "Enjoyin' the date then, Bakakashi?"_

_Kakashi most certainly smirks behind his mask._

"_Oh you have _no _idea," he says, and he's intently looking at the dripping sauce which Obito then hastily wipes off with his sleeve._

"_I just casually asked you for the company, never really expecting a confirmation in response. As far as I remember, you aren't a big fan of this," he waves the Dango in his face._

_Kakashi smirks again._

"_I _wasn't," _he corrects, shrugging. "But I am. _Now."

_Uchiha Obito has no explanation for the chill that runs down his spine in that instance._

"_You sure you okay?" he asks of the Copy Ninja, hand stopping midway on its course to popping the sweet treat into his mouth. There is suddenly a high level of tension in the atmosphere around him and his voice comes out as a mere whisper in response._

"_Just peachy," Hatake quips, as if in continuation to the question, shrugging again. "And that Dango looks just _fine," _he adds, his tone, a shade darker._

_Obito is positively squirming by this point._

"_I _really_ think you need to go rest or something, Bakakashi," he says nervously, gesturing towards the entrance of the restaurant. "You are really-"_

"_Do you mind if I've a bite?" Kakashi interrupts him, pointing a slender finger at the skewer in Obito's hand, lone eye never leaving the dumpling._

"_- out of it - what? Oh-" Obito's sure his nerve endings have frozen. So has his vocal tract._

"_Y-yeah sure," he says at length, pushing the plate forward uncertainly. "Make sure you leave a bite or two for me," he adds in an attempt to lighten the mood._

_Unfortunately, Hatake Kakashi has a completely different way of approaching things after that point._

"_Thanks," he mutters in haste, before making a sudden movement and leaning over the table to reach across, simultaneously tugging the mask down. With his left hand, he pushes the plate back to where it belongs and with his right, grabs hold of Obito's shoulder as he wraps his lips around the round treat in Obito's hand._

_Godaime Hokage will forever be ashamed to admit to the wild twitch in his pants that drives the wind out of his lungs in that electrifying moment._

_And it _definitely _doesn't help when Hatake Kakashi decides to bloody _stay in that position, _his lips still placed snugly around the dumpling, single eye raising to meet Obito's within a proximate distance of a few, almost negligible inches._

_It's as if the world comes to a shuddering halt in that moment; the wheels that drive it onward, working continuously around the clock, screech to stasis as a result of that single cog wedged somewhere deep inside its mechanics. Obito's wise enough to know that he's somehow breathing (how else can he explain the wild beating of his heart against his chest?), but there's something odd going on within his body at the same time, for he certainly can't make his muscles move. It's as if he's in this plane between life and death, and for some strange reason, it's a _damn good _feeling._

_A feeling he hasn't played home to in a long, long while._

"_-kashi?" he whispers, his free hand crumpling the fabric of his Hokage robe underneath the table as he holds onto it in a desperate fashion. His other hand's busy holding the skewer that's currently lodged inside Kakashi's (hot) mouth._

_His near whimper breaks the Copy Ninja out of his daze as he blinks his lone eye and breaks the contact for a second. Then, as if Obito's voice were his Ambrosia, he pulls his upper lip a fraction up his sharp canines, the business ends of his teeth digging into the part where one dumpling meets another. Pulling up slowly, he drags the ball up the skewer, his eyes not leaving Obito's for even the minutest part of a second._

_In that instance when he frees the dumpling from the stick and opens his mouth to take the whole thing in, Obito smells the sake saturating his breath in heavy amounts._

That explains a lot, _he thinks to himself, but then he's almost immediately reminded of the fact that Kakashi's not the crazy kind of drunk. He's never really seen him lose himself so completely like the way he just did, and he can bet his next paycheck on Kakashi pretty much doing all of this of his own accord._

"_Hmmmm…_nice." _Obito's broken out of his trance as he hears Kakashi's murmur of approval from across the table. The Copy Ninja's back on his seat, his slender index finger wiping the sticky substance smeared across his lips. "I think we should come here more often."_

_Obito simply lets out a small, squeaky 'heh' in response, the Dango wielding hand still stuck in the same position as before. His other hand, however, moves to grab the cushion that he's seated on, for the tent in his pants is anything but comfortable._

"_I-I'm sorry but I think I need to rush back…office work, you see?" he says, getting up hastily and crossing his legs to hide his raging erection despite the rather concealing Hokage robe. "See you around then? Baka-" he stops himself here, teeth biting his lower lip. "-Kakashi." He finishes in what he thinks is a very impersonal tone._

_And that's how he makes his hasty retreat thereafter, scuttling away like a bloody rodent through a crowded restaurant, the lower half of his robes sporting a slight bulge._

_He rushes home after that little _affair, _making a beeline for the bathroom to cool the badboy down. Unfortunately (fortunately), all he can think about through his cold shower is the sharp canines of a certain silver-haired shinobi as they drive up a stick (he was secretly delighted to make the proper substitution here), in a crowded restaurant._

_Uchiha Obito makes it a point to avoid the Copy Ninja for weeks after that incident, solely for the purpose of holding onto the last thread of his sanity._

_**Back **__**to **__**Present**_

The Hokage sure has never been in a situation as precarious and as soul-shatteringly embarrassing as this.

Going through an encore of that unfortunate (fortunate) incident back at Konoha's Dango shop, Uchiha Obito sits with a raging hard-on at a table occupied by the Four Kages from across the lands.

"Dango?" Mei Terumi offers from two seats to his left, and Obito has this sneaking suspicion that the woman _knows,_what with that malicious glint in her eyes.

"Er…no, thanks," Obito says awkwardly, almost pushing the tray away from his eyes. Tact and table manners are definitely not the first things that come in your list of priorities when you have a boner in the middle of a high-level diplomatic mission.

He turns suddenly to his right and beckons Asuma closer, determined that he only has the final card to play. "I'm unwell," he whispers truthfully, gesturing towards the corridor that leads to the suites and making an apologetic face.

Asuma nods in understanding.

And so, he makes a hasty retreat once again, excusing himself rather rudely in front of his esteemed counterparts and tearing through the crowded hall with a – any guesses? – slight bulge down his Hokage robes.

Ah the sudden sense of déjà vu!

And mind you, it doesn't end there. Once inside the privacy of his suite, esteemed Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves has yet another other-worldly experience: one that involves a sudden eye connection through his transplanted sharingan; a sudden bombardment of images of a naked silver-haired man touching himself in front of a damned mirror, a knowing smirk gracing his lips.

Obito is suddenly aware of a plate of Dango lying atop the ornate dressing table in the room, a sticky note attached to it.

He picks it up and grins despite himself.

_Sorry couldn't make it for the Summit this time. Here, have a plate of Dango instead._

_PS- Oh! Did you know Akatsuchi's a good friend?_

_- Kakashi_

Obito crumples the chit in his hands with a grin that is meant to kill.

"Oh you _sick_, _conniving_ _bastard_," he mumbles to himself in front of the mirror, determined to get back home that very instance.

After all, it's only at home that he will finally be able to let go of that final thread of sanity and have his way with a certain silver-haired jounin whose cheeky mouth needed to be someplace more than anywhere else.

There certainly _has to _be a way to make up for the month lost.

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